I Want to be Happy

I Want to be Happy

I Ended 3 year long relationship, because slowly, over a year I noticed that my feelings were gone. Towards the end of it I cheated as well, and I am definitely not looking for an excuse for my horrible behavior. It happened though so I moved on. I was seeing couple of guys meanwhile, but my heart remained numb pretty much. Still I insisted on seeing them because I need a validation from others.

And that’s my main issue.

I am very outgoing, easy-going girl, consequently making her dreams come true, setting up goals and working hard towards achieving what has originated in my brain. Yet for a while now, all I need is a validation from opposite sex to feel whole and satisfied with myself. I feel like I have to do incredible things for others to notice, and only then I will feel happy with myself.

I do understand this is wrong. But at this stage I am lost and don’t know how to change it. How to learn, how to be happy with myself.

I studied and worked for last couple of years, and as I didn’t have much spare time .I forgot what my passions were other than academic work, what my hobbies were other than college assignments, and my partners passions and interests became mine. So after the breakup this massive hole materialized in front of me, simply because I realised I didn’t have anything to escape from the post-breakup sadness which finally arrived. Yes, I am a sad person now. Of course happiness exists only for couple of hours and evaporates very quickly.

But I feel like I need some time now just for me, to understand what makes me happy in a healthy way. I want to learn how to be happy with who I am. I want to be happy with myself.